10 Different Types of Friends You Should Dump Right Now

I'm sure you have great friends that you love every single day.  I don't care.  Keep lying to yourself that they are perfect in every way and that when they do stupid shit and behave like asses it's because they are special in their own unique ways.

If you truly knew your friends, or got to know them really well, you would finally see the light at the end of the tunnel you call your asshole and realize that they are morons  who don't give as much of a crap about you as you thought, because they are too wrapped up in their own lives.

If you have decided to crawl out of the asshole that has been acting as the mental blinders also known as "denial", then perhaps you are ready to look honestly at these people and see them for who and what they truly are - life sucking leeches who will insist on babbling on every mundane detail of their lives they actually think anyone cares about.

So prepare to liberate yourself from all the excess emotional baggage of human excrement.  We all know at least one of these people you really need to get rid of so you can begin the process of recovery also known as moving onto a happy and normal life.

Here are 10 Different Types of Crappy Friends to Get Rid of Now:

1) The Fucking Flake -> This is the friend who claims you never spend enough time with them and then bails whenever you do try to spend time with them because they are too busy to make time for you.  This friend is known to constantly make imaginary plans with you only to never show when you need them.

2) The Fucking Egocentric Dumbass -> This is the friend who only ever talks about themselves and doesn't have the time to talk about you because they are too busy still talking about themselves.  In fact they've even been known to forget you are in their presence altogether.

3) The Fucking Emo-Challenged Moron -> This the friend whom you literally have to rip to shreds from the inside out to ever attain some form of emotional bond with them.  There is no emotional connection because they are too concerned with what people think about them to extend themselves emotionally to you.

4) The Fucking Complainer -> This is the friend who always, always, always has something to complain about or be unhappy about.  They are never satisfied and they are such a downer that you literally want to run yourself over with a Mack truck afterwards in order to feel better and free yourself from all their so-called miseries.

5) The Fucking Whiner-> This friend not only has the most annoying voice in the world, but they are constantly bemoaning all the imaginary injustices in the world with that enormously annoying voice.  And it only gets worse the more they realize how nobody likes a whiner, it actually makes them whine MORE.

6) The Fucking Disloyal Jerk -> This friend will throw you under the bus the first chance they get and then jump on the bus to drive it over your bloody carcass of a body over and over again.  And then just for good measure  justify it by claiming ignorance and different interpretations on what the concept of loyalty really is and how it means something different to everyone.

7) The Fucking Deceiver -> This friend comes at you with sugar coated smiles and a machete behind their back.  Lies are only the tip of the iceberg.  And by the time you figure out this person is a compulsive liar, there are too many untruths to even begin to bring any form of truth to life.

8) The Fucking Mental Case -> This is the friend who always calls you at 4am in the morning with some ever-ongoing dramatical issue or threatening suicide for the one-hundredth time.  It's not neurosis, it's complete psychosis that compels this person into trying to drag you onto their ride of insanity.  The inconsolable sobbing for the next hour should be a good sign that you cannot be their friend and should seek professional assistance if you really want to help them.

9) The Fucking Try Too Hard -> This is the person who you are not quite comfortable being friends with just yet because they are trying too damn hard to be who they think you want them to be.  Trust your instincts here and run.

10) The Fucking Constipated -> This is the friend who consistently has the same problem over and over again, but refuses to solve the problem.  Shitting and getting off the pot is a huge problem for this type and before you know it you've lost 10 years of your life you will never get back from having to listen to them.

If you have finally realized that I've described at least one or more types of these friends within your warm little circle of trust, then this is the first big step towards your journey of self help and some form of personal redemption.  I'm just starting to realize it all and I still continue to relapse by befriending one of these losers every so often. Good luck to us all and good night.

Share